Today in anxiety..

It’s a dreary Thursday morning, and my whole day consists of painfully waiting to go to work. Do you ever get that feeling? The one where you just can’t seem to focus on a task or get anything done, because you’re so lethargic from the pinching knowledge that work is looming 4 hours away.. 3 hours now… 2 hours… Oh God, I have to go to work in one hour.

Once I’m at work, I generally perk up and start to feel okay. But as someone living with that gut wrenching feeling of anxiety, triggered seemingly by the simplest things, the build up to work can be torture.

I’m an extroverted introvert. For those of you unsure of what that means, basically I’m great with people and I love interacting and socialising, but only subjectively. Some days, the thought of getting out of bed or sending a text to a friend can overwhelm me completely. I need to stay hidden away in the safety of my bubble, my cosy little nest. Other days, I’m up bright and early and I can’t wait to get out of the house into the sunshine, or go to work, or nag my friends and family to come and visit me for coffee. It just depends on what my emotional state is like on any given day.

Many people find me too much, and can’t cope with my up’s and downs. Friends don’t always understand why I’ll seem to disappear for a week or a month without any contact, but the truth is, I just find it incredibly difficult to keep up with my social schedule – as small as it may be – all the time.

Today is one of those days. Today I feel the need to cover myself in my duvet, shut the curtains, hide from the outside world and heal in my safe place. But I can’t, and I won’t, because responsibility calls. This is the battle we face every day, the sensation of being tugged in two directions. Responsibility on one arm, anxiety on the other. But we carry on, we lead lives that, on the surface, look normal to the unsuspecting eye.

And actually, I am a normal person, leading a normal life, I’m just fighting my demons the same as the next person. Everyone is fighting a battle that can’t be seen from the outside, and whether it’s minuscule or monumental, we can all use a little compassion to help us along the way. I try to never judge a book by it’s cover, and admittedly, I don’t always succeed at first glance and sometimes have to correct myself. But I set myself straight, and I remind myself that at the heart of it, we are all human and we all have to deal with these niggly little things we call emotions, so no matter who crosses your path, show a little kindness, even if it’s just a passing smile.. You never know the impact it could have on somebody’s day, and you’ll be surprised at how that kindness and positivity makes it’s way back around to you when you need it the most. 🙂


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